Co-Co-CEO. It has a nice ring to it. People will either think I’m one part of a powerful technology trio, or that I’m in charge of hot chocolate distribution. Either way, I’m pretty sure it would give me the authority I need to turn that sinking ship around.

By now, we’ve all heard the results from RIM’s latest earnings call, and they’re not good. Net income is down 10% year-over-year, layoffs are coming, and the stock got killed in after-hours trading, dropping over 20%. Clearly, this is a company that needs some changes, and I’m just the man for the job!

Qualifications? Who needs them! Experience? Totally overrated! What I can bring to the table though is fresh eyes, and I think that’s the one thing that RIM needs the most. I get the impression that there’s a fair amount of group-think going on in those buildings across the way, and I don’t even think that they really understand why their strategy isn’t working. If I were hired as the Co-Co-CEO, here’s what I would do:

1. Fire People Who Don’t Love Apple

   The first thing I would do would be to call in all the decision makers one-by-one and ask them to tell me, in no uncertain terms, why the iPhone is better than the Blackberry. If they couldn’t do that, they would have to go. What would I do with the people who gave truly insightful answers? Promote the heck out of them and do whatever I could to keep them happy.

   RIM is getting dominated by the competition right now, and if they don’t understand why the competition is beating them, there’s no way they’ll be able to figure out how to fix it. People who make the decisions at RIM need to fully understand why consumers choose the iPhone over the Blackberry, and that marketing is only a very small piece of it.

2. Stop Talking About QNX

   From the moment RIM acquired QNX, they’ve been talking about it non-stop. Add The Astonishing Tribe into the mix, and RIM would have you thinking that their competitors may as well just close up shop. In my opinion though, there’s a fundamental difference in how RIM views it’s acquisition strategy compared to Apple and Google, who from here on out shall be referred to as Gapple (cut me some slack, the alternative was Goople!).

   Every acquisition Gapple makes is viewed as a small addition, complementing their existing products and services. These acquisitions will not make or break Gapple, but they provide nice value-adds to already successful products. All new products, however, are always seen as coming from Gapple themselves.

   RIM on the other hand, has decided to place the spotlight on their acquisitions, rather than on their own in-house talent. How many times have we heard RIM’s people go on and on about the virtues of QNX. Nobody sees QNX as having been developed by RIM, and so instead of giving people the impression that RIM is a technology powerhouse, they essentially send the message that they aren’t innovative anymore, and must buy their way into the market. This does nothing to inspire brand loyalty.

   If I were Co-Co-CEO I would put the focus back on the in-house talent. There would be no more QNX. There would be Blackberry OS (or whatever I decided to rename it), and it would be developed by RIM in Waterloo. I would stop talking about how QNX runs nuclear reactors, and start talking about the beneficial experience that Blackberry OS is going to provide to my customers.

3. Create Disneyland for Developers

   I was quoted in Reuters as saying the best and brightest graduates from the University of Waterloo don’t stay in town to work for RIM. Obviously there are exceptions, but on the whole, I stand by what I said. A few friends of mine work, or have worked, at Facebook. It’s hard to even imagine a work environment could be so fun. Three gourmet meals a day, unlimited snacks and drinks, dry cleaning, the newest Apple hardware, a vibrant social atmosphere, and most importantly, autonomy. Who wouldn’t want to work there? They’ve created an environment so conducive to fun and creativity, that people practically want to live there (and from what I hear, a few have tried!).

   Now I don’t expect RIM to become Facebook overnight, but after talking to many current and former RIM employees, it’s much more akin to working at a giant corporate bank. If RIM wants to attract top talent, they need to make it an exciting place to work, and not the fall back plan that many students view it as. Sorry RIM, but Ice-cream Fridays just don’t cut it anymore.

4. Fire The Other Two CEOs

   This whole Co-CEO thing is clearly not working. It may have worked in the past, before they had dominant competition, but just because something worked once doesn’t mean it will always work. RIM needs a strong, stable, and most importantly, accountable face for the company.

   As the newly crowned Mono-CEO, I would also get a new chairman of the board. That’s right. ChairMAN, not ChairMEN (and just to be clear, I’d be perfectly happy with a Chairwoman). The CEOs need to start being accountable to the board, instead of running it.

5. Talk the Talk AND Walk the Walk

   I think the most common complaint from third party developers is that RIM talks a lot about how they’re going to improve the developer experience, but never really does anything about it. The importance of apps is being debated, but if you believe that apps are important, as I do, then providing third party developers with a great experience should be a huge priority.

   After "The Incident" I had the chance to interact quite a bit with some of RIM’s developer relations guys. They’re great, and if I was Co-Co-CEO I would put them in charge of the development tools team as well. Unfortunately, at the moment, they’re not, and the development tools suck. As Co-Co-CEO I would invest serious money and talent into the development of a world class set of development tools and frameworks. My work would be done the day some developer wrote a giant blog post to Apple complaining about how their development experience is so terrible compared to RIM’s.

So that’s what I would do if I were the Co-Co-CEO of RIM. It’s not an exhaustive list, but I think it’s a good start. People may accuse me of simply hating on RIM, but honestly I would love it if they turned it around. I may like Apple, but I love competition. Competition only works though if it’s credible, and I don’t think RIM is at the moment. Who knows what will happen though? I’m only a phone call away ;)

Last, but certainly not least, a hat tip goes out to Joe Stump for the inspiration for this post.